The Dating Game
by LM
Summary: Will Heart Throb get the date of her dreams? Hosted by Applejack.


_**THE DATING GAME**_

Applejack: Hello and welcome to The Dating Game! I'm your host, Applejack. *under his breath* How do I get myself into these things? 

Bubbles (from the side, dealing with the sound system): Majesty gave you all that community service after the cereal incident, remember?

Applejack: Ever hear of a rhetorical question, Bubbles? Anyway, without further ado, may I present the lovely pegasus faced with the hard decision of choosing one of our mystery bachelors! HEEEEEEERE'S HEART THROB! 

*Heart Throb flounces onto the stage. The audience applauds.*

Heart Throb: Hello, hello! I love you all! 

*She blows kisses to the audience. Applejack rolls his eyes a little, then continues.*

Applejack: Heart Throb, please tell us a little about yourself.

Heart Throb (giggles): Oh, okay! Well, I'm an _elegant_ lavender pegasus, as you can see, and I'm hoping to find my perfect true love someday!

Applejack: Someday?

Heart Throb: The sooner the better! *giggle*

Applejack: Well, you may be in luck Heart Throb . . . we have three eligible bachelors behind this barrier! *winks*

Heart Throb (simpering): Ohhh, is one of them Quarterback? Or that hunky SKYDANCER? 

*Little hearts appear in her eyes.*

Applejack: Sorry, HT, that would be telling! But let's move on. Do you remember the rules?

Heart Throb: Um . . . *more giggling* . . . give me a minute, I'm sure it'll come back to me--

Applejack (too patiently): You ask the mystery bachelors questions and decide who you want to go out with, remember? Then the two of you get a lovely trip to a remote tropical paradise in the islands of Oceania!

*The audience ohs and ahs.*

Heart Throb: Oh, yes! Silly me! 

Applejack: We've also disguised their voices--so no trying to pick the one who sounds best, Heart Throb! *wink* Now, let's get started. Remember, you only have a half-hour!

Heart Throb: Oh, this is so exciting! Okay, this is a question for all the bachelors. Where would you take me on a date?

Bachelor #1: A funhouse.

Bachelor #2: Gee . . . uh . . . where ever you wanted to go, I guess.

Bachelor #3: A DATE? Ewwww! Dates are for wimps!

Heart Throb: Err . . . okay. Would you fight to defend a lady's honor? *giggle*

Bachelor #1: Sure, there's nothing I love more than a good fight! 

Bachelor #2: Er . . . I'd *try*.

Bachelor #3: I'm not afraid of any evildoer!

Heart Throb: Bachelor #2, you don't sound too confident. Er . . . what would you shout as you charged into battle?

Bachelor #2: "Please don't kill me!"

Heart Throb: Um, okaaaay . . . do you have any phobias?

Bachelor #2: God, yes. 

Heart Throb: What about you, #3?

Bachelor #3: The fierce beating of this fiery heart leaves no room for fear!

Heart Throb: #1?

Bachelor #1: I laugh in the face of fear! Literally!

Heart Throb: What quality is most important to you in a female, Bachelor #1?

Bachelor #1: A good sense of humor.

Heart Throb: *giggles* Okay! *thinks* Um . . . Bachelor #2, how would you describe #3?

Applejack: Can she do that?

*Vague voices speak from off camera.*

Applejack: The judges say you gotta be more specific, Heart Throb.

Heart Throb: Oh, you're no fun! Okay, what two adjectives would you use to describe Bachelor #3?

Bachelor #2: Big and blue.

Heart Throb: Same question for #1, only about #2.

Bachelor #1: Hmm . . . timid and white.

Applejack: Time's almost up, HT.

Heart Throb: Okay, the last question is for Bachelor #1 again. What do you do for fun?

Bachelor #1: I plan extensive practical jokes and try to avoid getting ambushed by my enemies!

Heart Throb: Ohhhh! 

Applejack: Okay, there's the bell! Time's up, Heart Throb! What do you think? Who's the lucky guy?

Heart Throb: Well . . . *giggles* I just KNOW Sparky would be mad if I chose Blade. Sorry, #2! #3 made me think of Quarterback, and he's soooo strong and brave and all . . . but I'm going to have to choose #1--SKYDANCER!

Applejack: Okay, #1 it is! And now, let's meet these guys! Bachelor #3, who you thought was Blade, was . . . ARTHUR!

*A short human in a moth costume walks out and waves shyly. Applause from the audience.*

Applejack (checking his notes): Arthur is a full-time sidekick and former accountant. Any words of wisdom for us, Arthur?

Arthur: Not in the face! Not in the face!

Applejack: Uh . . . right. You know, you probably _would_ get along with Blade just fine. Now, how about a welcome for Bachelor #2? He's big, blue, and bold. Heart Throb thought he was Quarterback. But I usually call him . . . THE TICK!

*A huge, nigh-invunerable superhero wearing a blue form-fitting suit with little antenna on his head waves at the audience, grinning.*

Tick: Ah, the mighty American gameshow . . . the flickering porchlight drawing the moths of nightly viewing to--*suddenly points at Applejack* Hey, that guy is a HORSE! 

Applejack: Uh, yes. The Tick is a professional superhero. I understand you actually work with Arthur, Tick?

Tick: Nobody fights justice like my moth-like buddy Arthur! You should hear him when he creates a diversion. You would SWEAR he was screaming in actual terror!

Arthur: Eh-heh. Yeah . . . 

Applejack: Any thoughts for our viewers, Tick?

Tick: Yes! As you spoon up the soup of life, beware the TURNIP of EVIL! Grab that vegetable of wrongdoing and TOSS IT OUT OF THE BOWL!

Applejack: Okaaaay . . . Now let's meet our final bachelor. *checks his notes* Ah yes, Bachelor #1: he's a michevious prankster, always in trouble, and amusement parks are some of his favorite places! Heart Throb was reminded of Dream Valley's most eligible pegasus, Skydancer. Ladies and gentlemen, a warm welcome for . . . 

*A curtain sweeps aside.*

Applejack: . . . THE JOKER!

*A human with a pale white hair and green hair steps onto the stage, wearing a purple suit. He waves energetically.*

Heart Throb: WHAT??

Applejack: The Joker is a highly successful career villain who swears that THIS time, he'll get Batman for sure! 

Joker: That's right! The citizens of Gotham will be no match for my Laugh-o-Matic™ machine . . . and let's see Batman save them when he's doubled over with uncontrollable laughter! 

*He laughs maniacally.*

Heart Throb: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me . . . 

Joker: Well, of course! That's what I do! *more laughter*

Heart Throb: -_-

Applejack: Well, isn't that charming? Let's give a big round of applause for the happy couple!

*Cheers from the audience. The Joker gives Heart Throb a big hug.*

Audience: Awwwwww!!

Heart Throb (hissing to Applejack): I hope you get cancelled, you mangy donkey!

Applejack: All part of the game, HT. And now the lucky pair get to spend two weeks in the tropical paradise of Oceania!

*Heart Throb rolls her eyes and snorts. The Joker, however, plays up the audience, waving and grinning. They leave the studio together as the audience cheers, waves, and sheds sentimental tears.*

Applejack: And now, a word from our sponsors! "The Dating Game" is brought to you by The Perm Shoppe. "From Candy Cane Curls to Tinselled Locks, You'll Find It All at Fifi's Perm Shoppe." 

*The image of a grinning white pony in front of a large yellow building appears on the screen behind Applejack.*

Applejack: And by Hasbro. "Hasbro: We Aren't Even Trying Anymore". 

*Now the screen flashes Hasbro's logo above the Beast Machines Transformers toys, with the words "Ha ha, suckers!" superimposed over the scene.*

Applejack: And by the proud folks at . . . APPLEJACKS CEREAL?? *scowls* "Applejacks Cereal: We're Big Jerks and We Don't Pay Well."

*The screen shows a bowl of cereal with Applejacks Cereal's REAL motto, "Inexplicably, it doesn't taste like apples", above it.*

Applejack: Cut to commercials!

*The cameras momentarily die as Applejack aims a grin towards a figure watching from the shadows.*

Applejack: What did you think, Sky?

*Skydancer perches on top of the overhead microphone boom with a grin.*

Skydancer: Prime time, here we come!

THE END ^_^


End file.
